So far I am learning reality. I am learning that all the grand things I dreamed of in my class room are a thousand times harder to achieve than I ever dreamed.
I am learning to trust myself. It is easy when you are new (and when you aren't really on the payroll) to second guess yourself. To think that there must be someone else who knows better. Maybe some days they do. Maybe some days they don't. The only way to know is to move forward. I got into this business because I believe I have something to give, and I do.
I am learning to trust my students. They are smart and wonderful and creative when I get out of the way and let them be.
I am learning to not be afraid of my students. 14 year olds, especially in great numbers, are the most formidable group I have yet to cross paths with. And just as creative and smart and wonderful as they can be, they will, to their own demise, try not to be some days. It is my job to accept nothing, absolutely nothing, but their best.
I am learning to let it go. Some days don't go as planned. It doesn't feel okay, but it is. Some plans that I thought would be wonderful--aren't. This is okay to.
I am learning to still, like always, hold on to my idealism with all of my soul. The world will always want to strip us of this. I can't let it. I can't let it take idealism from me or the 110 faces I see everyday for just 50 minutes. I must hold on for dear life...because that's what it is.
I feel I'm doing much more learning than teaching these days. I hope that this is always always so.