So lately...I don't sleep. Ok, maybe a little. Maybe four hours a night. Two on a bad night. Six on a good ("good night" occurring maybe two or three times in a month). It's awful. I don't mean to complain. I swore to myself I wouldn't use this blog as platform for complaint, but I really haven't been doING much worth blogging. I've been trying to slog through each day in a tired haze.
I've tried so many things. Warm milk, stretching, reading, counting sheep, reading about sheep (which is actually interesting to me, so I realized that wouldn't work for me). I pray. Which has been good actually. I've cut out caffeine completely, although I never drank much to begin with. I've tried not napping, but gave up. It didn't help. I still didn't sleep. I decided that if I could get some sleep during the day, it was still better then none all day. I even took a pregnancy test to make sure that wasn't the cause. Big sigh of relief...it is not.
Today, is actually a rare extra extra good day. I slept from 1:30am-7am and I fell back asleep for another hour or two. This is the best I've had for awhile. I'm hoping its the beginning of the end. I really really really hope its the beginning of the end.
Not sleeping is miserable. My whole body hurts sometimes because I'm just so tired. I'm sorry for anyone who has had season's of no sleep. Be it mom's, or other insomniacs like myself, or nightshift/swingshing workers.
It's taken over my life. I've skipped a class or two on bad days, for fear of falling asleep behind the wheel. My house is a mess. I fall asleep while reading for school. I feel so unproductive.I feel grumpy over silly things like facebook statuses, other drivers on the road, the fact that mail hasn't come yet. It's not an excuse for grumpiness, but it sure amplifies it.
I've had so many opinions about this given to me. "You must be stressed." You're right, I am...I haven't slept for a month or longer (I've lost track)...wouldn't you be? "Just wait until you have kids...you don't know what tired is..." Maybe. But for some reason, I think I do know what it is. I don't mean this disrespectfully. Sometimes I wish I wasn't sleeping because of kids. At least there would be a reason. I know that I am lucky in some regards, because at least my schedule is such that if I can fall asleep for a few minutes during the day, its ok. I can move my own schedule around with the exception of class times.
Again, I'm so sorry for using this for a platform to complain. It's just that this has been my life. I'm just ready to sleep again.
Next week is spring break. I'm going to try Motrin PM to get me back into a normal sleep rhythm. I think over the weekend, I will let myself rest and sleep as much as I can to "catch up". Then during the week I will try the PMs. I wait until break to try this because typically drowsy medicine makes me sleep much longer than the average person. If that doesn't work, its time to see the doctor I suppose. I'm also going to start running again. That should help...right?
Thanks for listening. I promise...this will be one of very very few complaining posts. I know that I'm blessed with a warm bed to at least try to sleep in, and a man I love sleeping beside me. I just know I would feel a whole lot better, if I could just sleep.