Life has been crazy. Crazier than it's ever been or that I could have ever imagined it could be.
I found a job! I am working for the ICAN Schools network at Akron Preparatory School teaching the fourth grade. All subjects! Ah!
We are a start up school in the network. Brand new. Lots of brand new teachers. This has meant long hours, weird circumstances, and lots of the wonderful (but stressful) chaos that comes with all new beginnings. I can't even begin to tell you.
I have never, (never, never, never) been so exhausted and overwhelmed in my life.
But I have also never (never, never, never) been overthrown by the amount of joy, surprise and delight I'm experiencing. I drive to work (an hour commute!) and sometimes literally laugh out loud at the surprise that this is really my life. I'm doing it.The thing I set out to do. But never in the way I expected. Me? A sometimes soft spoken, T-county girl, teaching in inner city Akron? How can that be? It can't be possible that this is right?
This was never in the plan. Its been the the most difficult, but the most wonderful thing I've ever done. I'm humbled and overjoyed by the grace of it all. I get to be a part of something good, and new, and beautiful.
I work with families who somehow trust me and my co-workers. They look at us with all the hope and trust in the world. It terrifies, motivates, surprises, and delights my heart. All of those things, at once. Its almost too much joy for one person. How can I be so exhausted and so happy all at once?
So, somewhere, in all of this chaos and exhaustion, I'm trying to hold onto this. This precious delight. This knowing that I'm a part of something. Something that is rare and good and difficult.
I hope I don't let go of this ability to let life surprise me. It is wild, and I go forward with all the white knuckled terror of someone new at this, but with hope. With the knowing that this is it. These are those rare and wonderful moments in life that we wait for. This is my moment that matters.
You can have the other words-chance, luck, coincidence, serendipity. I'll take grace. I don't know what it is exactly, but I'll take it.— Mary Oliver