makING it through

It has been a long time. A long long time since I have really posted or read anyone elses blog. Life has been busy and difficult for me lately.

There are many many factors contributing to life's difficulties and busyness, and I don't feel like this is the time or place to really go into it, but suffice to say, I've been going through a period of burn out. Burn out on school, and church. I'm burned out on people--some very critical and exhausting people.

However, I will say this, that even this time--this funk, I guess-there is still goodness. For one thing, I have learned that with all of my heart, I believe that encouragement will carry people much farther than criticism..."constructive" or not. I am thankful for this, and hopefully a better person because of it. I hope (hope hope hope) that the next time I am in the position to criticize, that I choose to encourage. I hope I choose to search for goodness.

Also I recently attended a literacy conference required, but still enjoyed, for my undergrad work. It was just what I needed to get me through I think. To keep me going and hoping and trying and dreaming. It reminded me of not just why I want to teach, but it even reminded me of the loveliness in the people I may have the honor to work around and with someday.

I met a lady who did a session on found poetry. Found poetry takes words straight from a text (we used an excerpt from The Tale of Despereaux). You use the authors own words, fragments, etc. and restring them to create a poem. Simple enough, but powerful.

More powerful than the strategy though was the woman who taught the session. She was quiet and passionate and giving. With everything in her, she wanted us to create a poem close to us. She wanted us to share and to learn, and to connect. She created a beautiful almost unexplainable sense of community with the people in that room. We shared and laughed and even cried together.Coming through this time of  being face to face with critical, negative people, this was a chance to regain some confidence in humans in general.

When I wrote my poem, in this rich, warm, environment--a resting place really. It was cathartic. Here it is:

The Dark Things

Somedays the dark things win,

the days that are deep down, and heavy hearted

The dark things are down in our shaded souls, tremendous, cold and vast,

When try as we may, we cannot imagine life any other way.

We cannot pull ourselves from those dungeons deep and spiraled down.

We know what it is to want.

But we know to, that it's not all that we are,

We know in us lies light and loveliness, beauty and bravery,

and that quiet, wild, courage to carry us through

but that all seems worlds away, in some high castle tower.

For somedays, some days, the dark things win.

So thank you, Lisa Patrick, where ever you are. You got me through.

huntING, a wife's perspective

I get the call,

“I got one, a doe.” He says.

“I can’t find her.”



“I’ll be right there.” I answer.



By the time I find him, in golden timeworn wood,

the autumn air around us,

she’s there.



Eyes on the last thing she saw. Frozen in time.

Still warm to touch.

There it hits me.


She’s gone.

She was old. Long lean legs, white tail, aged face.

Who once bounded through woodland wonder,

crossing the creak in one swift leap.

Now silent.



And still.



I wish I knew, I wish I knew,

some ancient, primitive, song,

or native, age old dance.

Some prayer, or ceremony.

Something to mourn and to celebrate,

what she has given to us,

for us.



A life for a life.

It is the archaic way of things.

One must give, for another to have.

rememberING

Last week it was hot here. Really hot.  Hot seems like an understatement, and I really don't know what word to use to give you the full effect of this sweltering, oppressive,overwhelming, record-breaking humidity and heat.


Mostly I've stayed inside, eating popsicles and ice cream and sitting in the air conditioning, but last evening Dave and I first went for a drive and then a walk. We rolled the windows down in the truck and let the hot air swirl around us. When we walked we could feel the heat pressing down on us. Although it was hot and some would argue miserable, there was a sweetness to it for me. Heat like this reminds me of 10 days that seem so  long ago that I spent in India and Nepal. I went shortly after I graduated from high school and have never ever been the same since.


It reminded me of walking the muddy ridges in the rice patty fields to get to someones house who probably didn't want hear what we had to say (we were "missionaries...but I'm not sure how effective our tactic really was, but that's another post for another time), but all the same, they graciously took us in and offered us tea and conversation. This is where I learned to like hot drinks on a hot day.

It reminded me of asking a rice farmer what he thinks about out there in the soggy rice patty all day. He said "That there are too many mosquitoes." Reminding me that people, no matter where they are, are more like us than they are different.

It reminded me of seeing tiny, old, wrinkled women carrying heavy loads of wood or food or some other necessity, and wondering what other burdens they had carried all their lives long.

It reminded me of the relief or rain, or on the days it didn't rain and mid afternoon heat brought life to a screeching halt. We squatted in old store fronts that somehow had Coke and Fanta (it was the middle of nowhere....where do they get soda at?) drinking and cooling and talking and laughing.

It reminded me of the "untouchables" of Calcutta, and made me wonder who are my "untouchables"? Who can't I love?

It reminded me of people who had much less than me, but didn't seem to mind or even know. As long as there was food and shelter and a community, life was ok.

It reminded of me goats and chickens and children and bicycles and cars and rickshaws in the crowded chaotic (sometimes smelly) streets that make up India and wondering if they have more or less accidents then our organized streets here in the States.

It reminded me of  sandles salwars and sauries and color. So much color.


It just reminded me of seeing the world differently.

This isn't really a statement on which country, the U.S. or India is better, but it is a commentary on finding the good everywhere and in everything, even if its not what we want, or expect. When it gets hot like it did last week, I'm thankful for the sweat, and the slowing down, and the reminder of another time and another place.

So yes, I'm glad the sweltering heat is gone (for now), but I'm thankful for what it reminds me of. I think I'll go make something curried now. :)

Image from Google Image.



thINGs the dog has eaten:

Dave's crox,

this cardboard box,

laundry soap,

her own rope,

2 hot dogs,

What a hog!

Lots of grass,

to help it pass,

Cat turds,

she tried to eat birds,

the TV cord,

but wait, there's more,

ice cubes,

a little cat food,

doggie treats,

various meats,

carpet fibers,

bugs and spiders,

a piece of chair,

to rip and tear,

She ate it all,

the big and small.

decoratING inspiration

I've really been wanting to be at the beach lately, which is impossible. So, I think I want to make our back porch (current picture to come) into a very caribbeany feeling space. I'm thinking about doing the bathroom this way to..hmmm decisions (I feel another poll coming). This is my mood board so far. You can click it to enlarge it. Everything you see is from Etsy.

my favorite "ING's" of summer so far.....

I have been too busy to enjoying my summer to bother blogging, which is probably a good thing, but here are some of my favorite "ings" so far.

ReadING:

There's really just two books I've been working on. Both probably rank pretty high on the "nerd" list somewhere, but we've already established I fit quite nicely into that category anyway.

I know, sounds enthralling, right? Well, at least I think so. It's about ancient women's history and women's roles in creating fiber and textiles. I love it. Barber is a weaver herself and does such a great job of connecting us to our own history as women, as users or makers of fiber.

Yes. It's true. I'm a closet sci-fi nerd. Those that know me best are well aware of this. Lewis has a space trilogy and this is the first book. I totally plan on reading all three. I completely recommend this (at least what I've read so far) if you like sci-fi, fantasy (Narnia????), or even just C.S. Lewis. It's suspenseful and thoughtful and makes you think about what makes us, well, human??? Anyway, just read it. It's not very long.

KnittING:

Ok, ok, I admit it. I haven't actually done as much of this as I've planned this summer so far, but I've done a little, and bought some yarn (isn't that the fun part anyway???).

I LOVE this yarn that I found at the Great Lakes Fiber Show. I immediately fell in love with the colors. Twice without realizing it, I drifted over to the same booth and the same color scheme. It was fate. It reminds of our honeymoon in the Dominican Republic for some reason. It looks summery,  coral-y, and beachy, and Caribbean-y. I have absolutely no idea what I plan to knit with it, but I couldn't resist.

And...good news...the first leg warmer is finished!!! The second one is started and should be finished soon. (I told you they'd be done by July. :)

EatING:

We've been doing a lot of this. :)

Dave had some clients from work come up from Louisiana, and I mean Louisiana. When we ask them where they live it's "Up the bayou."   Which I had no idea where exactly that was. We had dinner with them one night and then they gave us 30 lbs of crawfish. Lucky for us, Dave's brother knew exactly how to prepare them and we had ourselves a crawfish boil! Complete with jumbalaya and corn on the cob and a little fried chicken. It was ALL delicious.

Confession: I didn't actually eat the crawfish...:( I wanted to but, I'm allergic (I told you, I'm a nerd...complete with allergies.)

WatchING:

I know I'm probably supposed to talk about how I have better things to do then watch TV, but I'm going to be honest here and say that in summer, I allow my inner couch potato come out. It's not like I spend all day doing this, but I have a few shows I love. Here's my current favorite:

Don't judge me.

I realize this show is trashy, soap opera-y, and created for 16 year old teens, but I'm addicted and I DVR it every week and am totally up on  the latest thing that "A" has done to scare the "Liars". If you don't know who Em, Aria, Hanna, or Spencer are...you should. You'll be hooked. (Also, I am very aware I have some Bachelor and Bachelorette fans who are readers out there...you absolutely can't judge me for this then.)  :)

Those are some of my favorite "ings" of the summer. We've also had a trip to the zoo, some Sonic runs (yum!), and some nights out on the lake...which I would have mentioned...but I have no pictures.

 What have YOU been up to this summer???



Photo Credits: All Images except for the two from KnittING are from Google Images...as usual.

balancING act

There  are two types of hiking packs.
One for men, and one for women.

The difference comes in how the weight is carried.


Men hold the weight on their shoulders.

Bearing up under it, lifting it up high,
wide and strong, like Atlas, under the weight of the world.

All shoulders and arms and strong backs, with grunts and heaves of power,
efficiently moving the burden from one place to another,

with such splendid strength.


A women's pack though, fastens across the two hips,

balancing the burden, evening it out, until its almost a part of them.

They carry it steadily, absorbing the weight,
carrying it for miles and miles, step after step, sometimes even forgetting it's
there, or where exactly its going.

They hold it with quiet subconscious groans and sighs, busying their free hands with some other task,
touching the world as they walk, still plodding on.



There are two types of packs,
each designed with some purpose at hand.