bringing the boat in at night...

You start out gliding through glass.

Quiet, just you, under a wide, full moon, rising over the dark waters. Dimly lighting the way.

There are lights, others, like you, drifting with some purpose in mind.
Sometimes you can't tell how far or close they really are. 

The trick is to not try to see too far ahead. To see what's right there.

Stay centered, and bring her safely in.

It takes a special kind of vigilance,

keeping your eye on the shore lights but still right on ahead,

watching for stray buoys, or logs,  settled in the silent night waters.

Then the shore lights near a little,
Specks on the horizon, growing bolder, hailing you to a safe place.

But it will still take longer than you thought.

You'll start to wonder in the black if you really saw what you thought. If that is the shore you wanted?
Or was it a ways back? If you are really moving towards dry ground. 

Stable and solid.

But you must see it through. You must trust what you knew of this place in the brilliant light of day.

When sky and shore and water were all so distinct.

You must move inch by inch through the depths.  For eventually the shore will near and you will find yourself tied sturdily off on a dock. 

You're feet firmly on the ground.

learning jazz

I start out
       clumsy

on the keys
I cLunK andIclutter
on the beat up baby grand in the front room from 1926.
It just doesn't sound right,
doesn't sound the way it should,
Whatever "it" is.

Then with time,
it gets better.

Smoother
Kinder
Calmer

lt runstogethersogoodsoripeandreadytobepickedjuicyandhotandsweetandcool.

And
    Then
         It

Swings

Just like it should
                              Unpredictable

but expected all the same.

It starts to sound like red lipstick, and smooth Scotch, and sweat and smoke that hangs over our heads in some dim seedy club at 2am like our problems hovering over us,
out of sight
out of mind, and pressing down on us thick and heavy all the same. Like us.

With a foggy sigh.

Its there somewhere, it just takes time to find it.

Student teachING so far.....

So far I am learning reality. I am learning that all the grand things I dreamed of in my class room are a thousand times harder to achieve than I ever dreamed.

I am learning to trust myself. It is easy when you are new (and when you aren't really on the payroll) to second guess yourself. To think that there must be someone else who knows better. Maybe some days they do. Maybe some days they don't. The only way to know is to move forward. I got into this business because I believe I have something to give, and I do.

I am learning to trust my students. They are smart and wonderful and creative when I get out of the way and let them be.

I am learning to not be afraid of my students. 14 year olds, especially in great numbers, are the most formidable group I have yet to cross paths with. And just as creative and smart and wonderful as they can be, they will, to their own demise, try not to be some days. It is my job to accept nothing, absolutely nothing, but their best.

I am learning to let it go. Some days don't go as planned. It doesn't feel okay, but it is. Some plans that I thought would be wonderful--aren't. This is okay to.

I am learning to still, like always, hold on to my idealism with all of my soul. The world will always want to strip us of this. I can't let it. I can't let it take idealism from me or the 110 faces I see everyday for just 50 minutes. I must hold on for dear life...because that's what it is.

I feel I'm doing much more learning than teaching these days. I hope that this is always always so.

filtering and figuring it out (part 2)

For those of you who have been reading since the beginning of this whole thing, you may remember this post.    This is kind of a part two, a whole 2 years (or is it 3 even?) later.

I've been thinking a lot lately and trying to figure a lot of things out lately. Maybe this is even a repeat of the post from a few years ago. I will say though, that I am very much less afraid to be honest with people about where I am than I was when I wrote years ago.

 I still am at a very funny (although it's probably not funny at all) place with my Christianity. Even typing that word Christianity causes me to take a deep breath and a step back. I'm still at a loss sometimes of what to think, maybe even more than when I wrote my original post.

I'm about to sound whiny. There, I warned you.

When Dave and I first got married, we changed churches for an abundance of reasons, and it was exactly what we needed at that time. We have been at our new church for almost three years now and we feel very much...alone. We started by going on Sundays, it was refreshing to be somewhere bigger, somewhere new. We were in a small group and then we led one. All said and done though, it is still of little consequence if we are actually physically there (I say physically because our church offers their services online as well, which is a whole other topic for me, probably not nearly as important).

Dave helped out with the acting and comedy ministry at our church. Still, nobody talks to us, or calls except for one couple and to be honest if that one friendship is why we have been there, I'm okay with that on some level. I also know though, that point of church isn't just to sit through a sermon. At least that's not what I want from it.

I know that  three years ago I would have told someone saying these very same things to me that "Well, you just need to make an effort, call someone, join a small group, join a ministry....etc." or "Well, remember, it's not about you anyway, just find someone that you can reach out to." That all sounds pretty empty to me now and I'm sorry to anyone that I ever said that to. What I should have said was, "Hey, do you want to go grab a coffee or come over to dinner etc???" I feel like we have done those things (joined ministries, made an effort, blah blah blah) and still we are figuring it all out alone, and I hate it. I know that Christianity was meant to be lived together, but I have no idea how to accomplish that.

Along with that, new questions in my own mind have come up about Christianity, perhaps because of the alone-ness we are experiencing. (???) Things like how did politics and Christianity get all jumbled up into one big tangled mess? Being an election year I find myself hiding Facebook statuses and rolling my eyes as Christians tell me who to vote for and why and I find it all...tiring? Maybe? (Honestly, I shouldn't just blame Christians for this, everyone does this, but sometimes Christians can do this with a particular zeal).

My own politics have changed over the past year, a lot, and in ways that have surprised me.Why? Mostly from being in classrooms with kids that have next to nothing. I don't know that I can look a student in the eye and say "Yeah, I voted for you not have health care." I just can't. I hate that Christianity is often connected with being Republican. And to be honest, I'm not really either. I am not democrat or republican and maybe that's a cop out, or maybe its being balanced, or maybe its both or neither. I don't want to be either. That's another post for another day. I guess I'm saying, why all the hateful politics connected to Christianity sometimes? (I say sometimes, because I also recognize that not every Christian or every church has hateful politics).

All this to say though, I am trying so desperately to make the connections. Every. single. thing. that I know of Christ is loving and good and yes, even holy (but I think our idea of what that is has gotten skewed over the years). I can't line it up though with the current breed of Christianity and I don't know where to go next. I can't even tell you exactly what I would like to see in a church. I can't , and I don't know what that means. I do know that somewhere in it all I still believe that Christianity wasn't meant to be lived alone, but I don't know how to fix that. I don't have a next move.

This all sounds way more bitter and disillusioned and even much more vague than I intended. Wow. Sorry. You don't need to worry, you aren't going to find me out on a ledge somewhere, and surprisingly despite all these nagging questions I have, I am not on the verge of a panic attack (any of those who have known me for years know how great of an accomplishment that is for me) :). Also, this wasn't intended to bash Christianity. I still believe it, and understand it be something that can be life-giving and beautiful, but the last few years I have come face to face with it's ugly side over and over and I am still trying to make sense of it all.

 I do know that these questions are important to me, and I do know that I still haven't given up on the whole thing, I even know that it will be okay and Dave and I will someday (hopefully) find a place that we can be and feel less alone.I also know that that was a run-on. This is just where we are for now. Hopefully, when I write part 3 of this (I have no idea if or when that will happen), maybe some things will be figured out. To be honest though, I'm glad I've asked these questions, I think when we don't ask, we don't grow, in Christianity or with anything really. So, that's that. For now.

doING this and that

So, summer has been way busier than anticipated, but this doesn't mean its bad.

First of all, I'm in love. Seriously. I'm not even kidding. I'm in love with my crock pot. I pretty much cook everything all the time in it. If I had more than one crock pot, I would probably be cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner in them, along with all of my snacks and maybe even beverages. This happened because I found this website. This lady used her crock pot everyday for an entire year. This could easily become me. I also feel it's important to tell you how much of a victory this is for me. Shortly after Dave and I got married (that almost 3 years ago...yep, I said 3 years!) I had two EPIC failures with the crock pot and it was banished to my pantry for two more years, until recently. Now I'm making, meals, beverages (Gingerbread Latte's? Yes freaking please!), and I'm thinking I'm going to move into desserts soon. It's basically the best thing ever. Go to that website, its the best thing ever.  Here it is again, just in case:

http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2007/12/alphabetical-listing-of-recipes.html

Second, I'm so (so so so so so so so so) excited about student teaching this fall. So excited. I met with my first cooperating teacher (I will have two, one for language arts and one for social studies). I met the lady I will be teaching social studies with this fall and it went so incredibly well. She was so happy when I came into her room. She gave me a tour of her school--and she sent me home with this:

Ok, So it's not the best picture in the world, but that's basically a giant stack of lessons plans, curriculum etc. for me to go through to start planning!!  I am both overwhelmed and excited by this. It's US History, mostly exploration, which is exciting (how many times can I say a form of the word "exctied" in this post?). Seriously, I can't even wait. I'm both terrified and excited for this fall and really, it can't come quick enough for me. I might be more excited about it than Christmas, which for anyone who has read this blog in the past,  you know how big of a deal that is.

 I'm still doing various nerdy wool activities like this:

I dyed this alpaca wool. It looks gross and matted here because it was gross and matted here. I still have to card it. If you aren't motivated enough to click on the link, in short, carding is a process by which the wool is made "smooth" again so that it is ready to be spun into yarn.

Finally, I have other lame and less exciting things going on this summer. I have two summer classes (that right, not one, but two). One is going on now everyday for 3 weeks (the homework for which I am procrastinating right now) and the other is next month for the whole entire month. I don't really love it at all. Also, I have to take two Praxis II tests this summer, one for social studies and one for language arts. Yuck. That's all I can really say about that.

In the mean time though, I'm going to continue my wild affair with my crock pot, as well as being excited about student teaching, as well as processing, spinning and knitting wool. 

So that's pretty much the summer....

How many times did I say excited???

rockING it in Maryland

So, as some of you know, last weekend it was once again time for the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. Just like last year, it was awesome. Maybe better, now that I've been there once and had more "focused" approach.


Some of my favorite moments:

Dave's cousin took this picture claiming it was me "picking up men" at the sheep and wool festival, and I have to agree that it looks incriminating...however, what was really happening, was that he was explaining to me about some of the fleeces as well as telling me about his flock of sheep (and I mean that literally). Last year, I had a long conversation with another old man. This is becoming a part of the tradition. Old people are awesome.

This is a picture from the sheep dog demonstration. I didn't take the time to sit through this last year, but I'm so glad I did this year. It was absolutely amazing to see what the dogs were capable of and how much they loved it. It made me want sheep and dogs (maybe I'll buy them next year at Maryland....Right Dave??? Right?)

This (not this exact one) was my big purchase this year. A drop spindle! I'm spinning now. I would have loved to buy a wheel, but that's like a $300-$500 investment so.... I'm saving for next year. In the mean time, I'm spinning using a primitive, but very cool method. I love it. I love the history. Women in ancient Greece (and a ton of other places) used drop spindles to spin fiber to make clothing and other items, while watching sheep. After reading about some of the history of fiber, I love it even more.

Along with the festival, we spent a day in DC. I was total nerd the whole time as demonstrated below:

Me, as a squinty-eyed, smiling tourist in front of the White House. I fit right in with all the eighth graders. Obama wasn't home, I was secretly hoping he would be there, invite me in, and we would talk about education and basically become good friends, and he would totally invite me back to talk to congress about education and I would basically change the whole world.....a girl can dream can't she?

Instead, I just became more of a cheesy tourist and got my picture in a fake Oval Office in the gift shop. I hate how excited I look in this picture...I was taking this way too seriously. I was the only non-child or non visitor from another country in line for these pictures...yes, that's plural, I have set of 5 pictures of me looking "presidential". It's ridiculous.

So, that was Maryland. I totally feel like a narcissist posting all these pictures of myself, which is why I don't normally do this. That's probably why its better to wait until you have kids to have a blog, at least I could post pictures of them doing stuff, instead of nerdy pictures of myself.*

Also, it's worth mentioning, while riding in the car we had a book of White House trivia. Through out the course of our Q and A session, I discovered Lou Hoover was the most kick ass first lady ever. You should look her up. I'm pretty sure the Depression would have ended way sooner had she been running the country instead of dumb old Herb. Seriously, look her up.

*Mother, this in no way means I am planning on having children at this time...

rememberING

Last week it was hot here. Really hot.  Hot seems like an understatement, and I really don't know what word to use to give you the full effect of this sweltering, oppressive,overwhelming, record-breaking humidity and heat.


Mostly I've stayed inside, eating popsicles and ice cream and sitting in the air conditioning, but last evening Dave and I first went for a drive and then a walk. We rolled the windows down in the truck and let the hot air swirl around us. When we walked we could feel the heat pressing down on us. Although it was hot and some would argue miserable, there was a sweetness to it for me. Heat like this reminds me of 10 days that seem so  long ago that I spent in India and Nepal. I went shortly after I graduated from high school and have never ever been the same since.


It reminded me of walking the muddy ridges in the rice patty fields to get to someones house who probably didn't want hear what we had to say (we were "missionaries...but I'm not sure how effective our tactic really was, but that's another post for another time), but all the same, they graciously took us in and offered us tea and conversation. This is where I learned to like hot drinks on a hot day.

It reminded me of asking a rice farmer what he thinks about out there in the soggy rice patty all day. He said "That there are too many mosquitoes." Reminding me that people, no matter where they are, are more like us than they are different.

It reminded me of seeing tiny, old, wrinkled women carrying heavy loads of wood or food or some other necessity, and wondering what other burdens they had carried all their lives long.

It reminded me of the relief or rain, or on the days it didn't rain and mid afternoon heat brought life to a screeching halt. We squatted in old store fronts that somehow had Coke and Fanta (it was the middle of nowhere....where do they get soda at?) drinking and cooling and talking and laughing.

It reminded me of the "untouchables" of Calcutta, and made me wonder who are my "untouchables"? Who can't I love?

It reminded me of people who had much less than me, but didn't seem to mind or even know. As long as there was food and shelter and a community, life was ok.

It reminded of me goats and chickens and children and bicycles and cars and rickshaws in the crowded chaotic (sometimes smelly) streets that make up India and wondering if they have more or less accidents then our organized streets here in the States.

It reminded me of  sandles salwars and sauries and color. So much color.


It just reminded me of seeing the world differently.

This isn't really a statement on which country, the U.S. or India is better, but it is a commentary on finding the good everywhere and in everything, even if its not what we want, or expect. When it gets hot like it did last week, I'm thankful for the sweat, and the slowing down, and the reminder of another time and another place.

So yes, I'm glad the sweltering heat is gone (for now), but I'm thankful for what it reminds me of. I think I'll go make something curried now. :)

Image from Google Image.



geekING out in maryland

I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first??? Well, you don't actually get to answer, so I'll get the bad news over first--I forgot my camera this weekend. :( So no pictures from me, but I'll do my best to search online to find some good ones (probably better than I would have taken anyway).

Ok, ok , that's over with so here's the good news--I don't think it would have been possible to cram more fiber fun into one festival. The Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival was even better than I could have imagined. We left Friday evening arriving in the DC area that night, spent a marathon day at the festival, and then the evening in DC eating really great food (more on that later) and seeing things like the White House (Obama didn't wave, I was disappointed). On Sunday, we had quick (but tasty) brunch, and headed home. The weekend was a whirlwind, but it was a blast! :)

Here are some quick takes of the festival:

There were so. many. people. I was shocked. I mean, anyone I told that I was going to a sheep and wool festival looked at me like I was from another planet. Apparently, there are lots of other people from that planet. They were all great too (except some of those pushy people with strollers, a stroller is not a license to shove!). Anyway, my favorite was this old man I sat down beside in the heat of the afternoon. We started talking and he was a history and civics teacher for years in Michigan. We talked about teaching and how it's changed, we talked about history, we talked about SB 5, women's roles in modern society, and the fact that even I am now getting old because I don't like modern music (That was his theory, once you start thinking the best music was from 10 to 20 years ago....you are getting old. We laughed). The guy knew everything. He had  a BA, two masters degrees, and PhD in history! I learned so much.

Lamb Gyros! Ok, I didn't actually eat one. The lines were too long and I had too much to do, but don't they look tasty?

I think this guy is called a Cotswold sheep (I might be wrong though). He was my favorite when I walked around the barns. He was extra soft, and how do you not love all that wool in his eyes?? All the shepherds were more than willing to talk about their animals. I wish I could say I remembered more of what they told me.

 

Vendors: there were tons! Selling everything from yarn, processed wool, unprocessed wool, spinning wheels, looms, needles, finished knitted products, felting supplies...you get the idea. I managed to actually not go broke while I was there. My favorite purchase is a 1200 yard skein (that's huge in case you were wondering) of kid mohair for just 30 bucks! It is white and soft and wonderful. You just want to bury your face into it and smell it's sheepy smell ( I realize how weird that is, but I love the smell of sheep) . It looks like this:

All in all--it was fabulous and I can't wait to do it again. Besides what is pictured, there were folk bands, Celtic music, TONS of food, sheep shearing competitions, herding dog demonstrations, auctions, and so, so, so much more!

I totally plan on going next year and I hope, that I by then, I will be in the market for knew spinning wheel! :) I fully plan on learning to spin this year.

 If you like knitting, crocheting, or any other fiber-related craft even a little, it's completely worth going to. The countdown to next year begins....now!



Image Credits: Because I forgot my camera, all images are sadly from Google Images. :(

callING all rebels

Rebels wanted:

We teachers...need rebels in our proud profession.

Teachers tend to be the straight A, club president, rule follower crowd.

we love structure.

we covet order and routine, and we live on a schedule of bells and breaks.

work in the fall and spring....have the summer off...then do it all over again.

lunch is always...and i mean always at 12:15

we got A's for the sake of A's

and we started clubs so that the word "president" was on our resumes.

We use our turn signals, and very seldom speed.

It's not a bad thing....

its just what we tend to be like.

What we need....are some rebels.

rebels are not afraid.

they don't mind if the rules change, because they weren't planning on following them anyway.

rebel's don't flinch at danger but rather invite it,

and they aren't afraid of the F-word.

They ask "why?" and smirk at you when you say "Because I said so."

Rebel's have an edge, and an appeal, as they sit quietly and observe with their arms folded cooly across their chest.

We need a teacher with a tattoo, or maybe several.

we need the black sheep.

We need the kid who laughed at the school handbook if he even read it, which he probably didn't.

If you are a rebel and you're reading this, you are wanted.

I can't promise you a great paycheck,

and I can promise that you will be surrounded by the over acheivers that probably bug the H*** out of you.

But I think you'll love it.

I think you'll change things,

and that's just what we need.

restING

Today, I got up and tried to get some school work done in the house. Of course that didn't work. It usually never does. So, I got myself ready and left early for class so that I would have two extra hours on campus to sit and research. So, here I am one hour before class starts and no research is done....imagine that. I am however, caught up on facebook, I've been to Starbucks and I did finally submit a poem to a local zine to try and get it published (for some reason, I've been terrified to submit it....its scary!) However, I have to say it was worth coming up. It's snowing up here. Big, fluffy, wonderful, flakes. Everyone hates it. Normally I would be with them, talking about how it is actually officially spring and so really, all this snow nonsense should stop. Somehow, and I have no idea how, I've changed. I think I like winter. I'm not saying I like it more than summer. Maybe I've just learned to accept it. I remember when I worked at Gradall for 3 months when I very first moved back to Ohio. I worked there January through March, and my job was to go down to the dock pit and dig through giant boxes of greasy parts, retrieve the part numbers and enter them into the new computer system. Anytime the word "pit" is in your job description, that should be a dead giveaway that its going to be awful--and it was. It was cold and greasy and I worked for the meanest man in the world. Really really, he was so, so mean. It was really the most miserable job ever. While I worked there I met a man name Harry. Harry had a cubicle beside me, and he smoked. So, anytime I wasn't in the cold awful pit, and Harry had just returned from a smoke break ,he would give me a weather report. Most of the time it contained snow and I would sigh, and complain, and talk about how I missed the California sunshine. Harry usually just laughed. But one day, he stuck his head over the ugly cubicle wall and said, "Al" that's what he called me, "Winter is a season of rest. Use it." One would never expect such sage advice to come from Gradall, the land of welders, steel, part numbers, freezing cold dock pits, and mean mean bosses, but somehow this advice made its way permanently into my mind. Rest is such a hard thing for us to learn. For me to learn. What Harry reminded me of, is that each season brings with it some benefit. Big or small, easy to find or difficult, its there, you just have to find. After hearing Harry's words, I learned to embrace winter. I began to use it as a time to settle in and read or watch a movie. Then I learned to knit. I finally got some sensible boots and stopped trying to wear flip flops in January. Now, I might even prefer my boots. What I am taking forever to say, is that I think I've grown to not only accept winter, but to actually enjoy it. I've learned to accept what is, and find joy in it. Rest has been a theme in life lately for me. I am happy for today and one of the final days of snow and of a season made for resting.

Note: Sorry this is all one big long paragraph, thats not how I wrote it and I've tried to fix it. Everytime I hit "publish" this is what I get.

on beING a woman

Sometimes I feel like I live in these two contradicting, at-odds, worlds.

On the one side I have a typically somewhat conservative "church" world. It's almost hard to write about this because I'm not trying to criticize. I love it.

On the other side I have this typically more liberal, "school" world. Again, I'm not trying to criticize.

These two sides seem to hate eachother, and I can't understand why.

Both of these worlds have their views on women. They vary from mild views, to extreme. Mostly I'm writing about the extremes. They have been popping up everywhere lately.

Let me start with school. Here, sometimes I feel like I'm almost supposed to be mad about being woman. Like its some kind of curse, brought on by men, or religion, or ignorant women or some mix of all three. Once during a discussion on Virginia Woolf I suggested that although her writings were probably appropriate for the historical context, perhaps they don't apply to us as modern women who can

work (if we want),

go to college (if we want),

get married (if we want),

get divorced (if we want),


have a baby (if we want)

or not have a baby (if we want)

I don't support abortion, but for the purpose of discussing women's rights...there it is. The point is, I don't really feel all that oppressed or angry for that matter. I feel like a free-thinking, choice-making woman. This isn't to say that in some cultures there is still not oppression, but I found it ironic that a bunch of women sitting in a college classroom, many of them working on their doctorates, wanted to apply A Room of One's Own to themselves.

From the reaction I got, one would have thought I had suggested that I think women ought to still be oppressed, and it would be best if we were kept underground as breeding stock and baby-raisers. One lady looked on me with pity, "Poor oppressed soul", another with indignation "How dare she!", another with a blank look of shock that I'm not sure what it meant. To me it seemed....odd? It was just a suggestion, not a statement against women everywhere.

On the other side, I have my church experience. Much of this thinking isn't explicitly stated, but subtle, and much of it isn't around so much anymore, but in some circles, it is.

Church is a funny place sometimes.

I know people whose marriages are nothing I could ever want. Husbands who talk to their wives like she couldn't possibly solve a problem on her own. Wives who think I'm crazy for considering working and having kids. I haven't decided yet, and I don't think I need to.
Men who feel "usurped" in everyday conversation because a women (very politely) suggests a way of thinking different than his own.
There is the thinking that its more spiritual to married, and the thinking that it is more spiritual to be single. Ugh! What a mess!

It's almost suffocating to sit in between these two opinions and hear them yell back forth (figuratively and literally at times). You want to yell for everyone to just "BE QUIET!" just for one minute so you can think and process all of this.

Where is the line between giving your life to your family and being so consumed by your kids you really have neglected your own identity to unhealthy level? Is it possible to work and to give your kids what they need? What does the Bible really say about women's roles in life and what does that look like played out? (Both "sides" of the tension I'm speaking of have horrifying views in my opinion as to what the Bible says about women). What about being a woman without kids and without a husband? Is that less valuable if you are a Christian and more if you are sitting in a classroom in a public University?

My. Head. Is. Spinning.

Mostly, I would just like to feel free to just be a woman. Not someone lost in the battle, or overtaken by any particular side. Not a slave to anger or to ignorance. Just...a woman.

More on this later.

givING...a "guest" post repost

The other day, I read this post on a blog (yes, its a fiber and wool blog so to speak...its delightful by the way, you should check it out.) The blog is from a fiber farm, but this post isn't so much regarding fiber as it is giving. I loved what she had to say:

"A couple of weeks ago, I was on the way Washington D.C. for a meeting with Tanis when I pulled into a convenience store for a Diet Pepsi. On the way back to my car, I noticed a homeless man huddled up by the side of the building, trying to make himself as small a target as possible for the bitter cold wind. He was bared-headed and his coat would have been inadequate on a day that was 10 degrees warmer.

After I got back in my warm car, after I turned on my seat heaters and adjusted the heat to full blast, after I took my wool coat off because I was suddenly too hot, I realized how miserable I was spending less than a minute out in that cold and wondered what it must be like to have to live in it.

And then I glanced into my back seat and saw a giant box, over flowing with the lovely Red Scarves we, you and I, made for the Red Scarf Project. I wondered briefly if I should have given him one, if the maker would mind it going to a cold homeless man rather than it’s intended recipient, but by then I had arrived at my destination and I put the idea and the man out of my mind.

He wasn’t out of my mind for long though. I have spend some part of every day since then just sick about the fact that I didn’t think to give him a scarf. I can tell you this without a moments hesitation: if I had seen a dog suffering in the cold they way that man was, I would not have walked away and left it there. I know I wouldn’t have.

I can’t imagine how cold he much have been. I can’t imagine the turns his life took to get him to that parking lot. I can’t imagine the misery. I’ve tried. I just can’t.

There is another box of scarves in my back seat right now. Scarves and hats and a few pair of mis-matched gloves. The next time I see someone who looks cold, I will step out of my toasty car and my comfort zone and offer him or her something to help keep them a little warmer.

And I’m asking you to do the same. Please go through your closets and make a pile of the hats, scarves and gloves no one wears and put them in a bag in your car. If you have the time and the inclination, it would be lovely to include a couple of hand knit scarves and hats as well. It doesn’t need to be fancy- warmth is what we’re aiming for here.

I briefly considered turning this into some kind of giveaway but then I realized that would be silly. You are lovely, kind, amazing people and you won’t need any incentive. Please do this for me."

One of my new years "resolutions" was to be a person marked by generosity. I want to be more giving. Anyone who has ever changed or impacted my life has been a person who gave. I don't just mean money. I mean generosity with time, talents, smiles, anything. I mean this as a change of attitude and lifestyle more than I do just a goal to meet.

It's been funny how much giving has come up...everywhere. On Sunday at church it was talked about, in my economics class my professor somehow brought up that economist have found that people who give (in this case money) are overall happier with their lives and their money.

Like I said, I don't know that I have a specific way this will look, but this idea is one thing I think I'll implement into this resolution and into life. :)

communicatING: kids these days....

If your a teacher--watch these. If you are a pastor--watch these. If you are a parent--watch these. If you are any kind of communicator--watch these.

You may need to turn off the music on this page. Scroll to the bottom and hit pause on the Flash player.









I watched these in a psych class I'm in. I loved these. Both of them. 8 books, but 2300 web pages...this should change how teach, how we preach, how communicate, how we create.

Recently my four year old niece proclaimed to the world that she wants iTunes gift cards for Christmas to download apps for the iPad. She's four!!! This made me laugh and made me think. These are the students I will have, these are the kids that will be sitting in classes, and maybe the people sitting pews....pews? Maybe not. I'm not sure what it will look like, but I think it will look different then it does now and it has to.

"It" has to look different in our classrooms and our churches. Students are not getting dumber, they just learn differently. Students get "it" differently.

It's funny but even kids in schools or churches now have more technology and information available to them I ever did at their age (do I feel old or what saying that???).

I'm rambling, but I hope these videos inspire us to communicate differently, and teach differently, and preach differently, and evangelize differently. I hope they inspire us to update (as much as we can afford), to create (in all new ways), to think before we complain about kids and their iPods, gaming habits, and attention spans. An effective teacher-preacher-learner-blogger-writer-thinker-communicator knows their audience and communicates in a way that the audience can understand it. This takes work and willingness to change, but it's worth it.

p.s. I know the intro the first clip is a little dated. Sorry. I feel like that fact is a little oxymoronic.

votING and fundING

Ok, ok, so I swore that I wouldn't get sucked into the world of debate and politics this voting season. Yes, I voted, but after spending 4 years in a public university, one grows quite tired of debating politics with people no matter what side anyone in the argument is on....however (I know, any of you who know me, probably knew I could never let a voting season go by without getting on my soapbox about something)there is an issue I see a lot of people uninformed about and its driving me nuts. So, I regress (surprise, surprise.)

School Funding. Particularly tax levies. (Big sigh...and here we go).

Let's first start by saying--I'm going to be a teacher. Obviously, I'm not in it for the money, so I hope that you can all believe me when I say that I care deeply about our education system and its future, and well, it's funding. I think schools need money. I also think though, that throwing money at someting, doesn't always fix it (sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't).

Now, having said all that, I often vote "no" on school levies. Usually on school levies of any kind. Someday, some futre employer is going to read this and not hire me and I may even delete this post when I go to apply for jobs (seriously). I have a good reason for my voting habits though, the reason being: the way ohio funds thier schools (ie property tax levies) has been ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court...more then once. I think it's been ruled that way four times, but I'm not sure if that is by the Supreme Court each of those times. I'm pretty sure, its worked its way up the Court System. To read all about it visit School Funding Matters.

I do know this, it has been ruled unconstitutional because of how heavily it relies on property taxes. Also more then one time the deadline for Ohio to change the way it funds it's schools has came and went with no solution found.

This is all hard for me to post because again, I hate seeing programs cut, teachers cut, and even schools closed, but schools have bent back the hand of tax payers by saying pass this levy....or else. Or else, your kids won't have busses, or else there will be bigger class sizes, or else they will have to pay to play. I just don't think this is fair. Even as an educator, I think there has to be another answer and we are asking too much of our property owners.

I really reccomend reading up on this issue before you vote for (or against) another levy. I know that so often I hear people say that voting down a levy doesn't change the system, but only hurts the education of our children. There are certain instances that I agree, however I also agree that by continuing to pass levies, we are saying we are ok with the ways our schools are funded. I think for a healthier relationship between schools and communities, we need a new answer. I know this is all easier said then done, but this battle has been going on for decades now.

I apoloigze if I've stepped on toes. I really was much more on my soapbox then I intended to be. I am ok with people voting for whatever they feel is right, I just want them to be educated about the issues.

Photo Credit: Google Image

learnING

A few weekends ago I took my Praxis I test in Mathematics (one of a few tests I have to take in my journey to become a teacher). I HATE and have always hated math(Until recently, more on that later). The experience alone was awful not to mention the content.

The test was at 7:30 am in Zanesville on a branch campus of Ohio University. Yes, I said 7:30 AM in Zanesville! So this meant getting up at 4:30 am, meeting the other two members of my group that also were taking the test, and driving aaaallll the way to Zanesville.

Nathan, Bobi, and I did get there in time and with a little (ha!) work found the right classroom (we actually think finding the room was part of the actual test in some way). We sat with our sharpened #2 pencils (not mechanical, as instructed online) calculators (again we THOUGHT this was instructed online) and waited for some of the others along with the test proctor to file into the classroom.

Without boring you with the rest of the long story, by the time we started the test it was an hour...yes...an HOUR later then when were supposed to start (yes, I was ANGRY) and it was declared just before taking the test that we could NOT use calculators. So, we had 60 minutes to answer 40 multiple choice math questions and wasted A LOT of time doing things like long dividing etc., were exhausted, hungry, and anxious. I was near hyperventilation by this point and all and all I still don't really know how I did on this test. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have to pay $90.00 (yes...I said $90.00!!) to take it again.

This whole experience got me thinking about learning, school, and how we are taught to teach. What I kept thinking over and over as I was taking my test was "My ability to teach has been reduced to this?" (Perhaps I should have been thinking more about the volume of cylanders). I know testing has its place, but so much of my education on becoming an educator has been reduced to "Read this", "Take this test", "Say the right thing, at the right time....and you're in." I hate this. This isn't the kind of teacher I want to be, and I don't like that this is how we teach our teachers.

Remember earlier when I said that I HATE math? Now this is in part because I was the kid sitting my 7th grade pre-algebra class yelling "When are we ever going to use this!?" However, I don't know that my question was entirely unjustified. The responses I recieved were usually so that I could pass a test and get into a good college. Not a bad goal, but is this the only reason we learn? Is it the only reason we teach? (Yes, I'm on my soapbox now). To pass a test. That's it?

No one ever told me that math related to physics and the fabric of the universe, or that it could help me understanding chemistry and the miracle of the inner workings of plants and animals. Now I know, I know...will a 7th grader listen to this? Maybe...maybe! So why not try? Why not try to get the kid in the back of classroom wondering when this will be useful to see that it's interesting...even exciting and that everything they learn connects to the world around them.

I know this is all very idealistic and I don't feel like I've really expressed exactly what I'm thinking, maybe I was just mad over a math test. :) But, all this to say....teaching and learning...it's more then just about a test. I hope someday, I can teach that way.

"The test of a good teacher is not how many questions he can ask his pupils that they will answer readily, but how many questions he inspires them to ask him which he finds it hard to answer”

--Alice Wellington Rollins




Image credit: sweetlovelife.com

seeING

From Grandma I learn
that there is art everywhere

if only you know how to see it.

It's there in the mountian of fabric in the basement.
Ready to be cut and sewn and shaped into almost a million different things.
Depending on what you like.

It's on the side of the road in the Queen Anne's Lace,
what other's would call weed's, ready to be pressed and framed
and made into bookmarks and wall hangings.

It's on her back porch,
in the forest of potted tomato plants.
Tomatoes of every imaginable shape and color.
But this isn't just art you see..its art you
taste
This isn't just art,
it's a miracle.

Art is in the okra growing straight up like spears into the sky,
it's in ball after ball of yarn in every possible color
if only you know how to combine them.
It's in the shape of fern leaves,
and the smell of bread.

It's there, everywhere, when you

just


slow



down


and see.


I learned from her that there is art everywhere,
but never once did she say it.
She saw it and she taught me how to look.