savING grace

When I needed it most...we went to a good friend's wedding out of town. We laughed, and danced, and celebrated with them. It was a thousand degrees out and we drove 13 hours to get there, but I couldn't have cared less. My heart was so full of joy for them and for all the wonderful people there celebrating with them, that I cried like a total idiot during the toast, because I tried to hold it all in during the ceremony. Nobody cries like that during toasts. Especially ones they aren't even giving. But to be honest, I love that being with people can make my heart feel so so big, it just has to spill over in wonderful, lovely, seemingly endless, tears of shear joy.

When I needed it most, we found friends that we can stay up with and watch a fire dance in the night while our laughter danced right along with it.  Even on week nights, when we should all be in bed like responsible adults. Discovering that we have so much more in common than we thought. "Oh, you stay up at night every now again wondering if you're becoming a serial killer or some other terrible illogical thing but just don't know it yet? Me too!! It must be totally normal".... Even if its just one other person, its nice to find someone whose you're exact kind of crazy.

When I needed it most, we found friends that listened. And rather than give more empty advice, we all just prayed. I say "just", like its no big deal, but really, nothing (absolutely nothing) could have been more freeing.

When I needed it most, good friends, the life long kind, came to visit. Coming from all corners of the globe to laugh and laugh and laugh (okay and maybe eat). To stay up late, talking about life and laughing more. And getting up and drinking coffee (and eating) and talking and laughing still more until we think we could burst (from the laughing that is....er...)

When I needed it most, all the little things in life, that really aren't so little, came crashing down around us in one beautiful mess. Life has seemed so good, I just can't believe this life is really mine. And all when I needed it most.

"Every good and perfect gives comes from above..." James

becomING one of "those" people....

Over the past few months, I've become one of "those" people.  You know, the coffee snobs, one of those people who requires extra time and equipment just for a cup of coffee.

Careful, it's a slippery slope. It could happen to you.

It started with an inordinate amount of mugs I had collected over the years....

Then, I became a brand snob. My coffee requirements had surpassed anything that Foldger's or Maxwell House could provide...

Then, my sister got me a french press for my birthday (note, the unused coffee pot in the background)....

Then, I got syrups. Yes syrups...it's pathetic...

Next came the milk frother...because unfrothed milk certainly won't due....

As you can see, it's developed into quite the process and quite the mess. I find myself getting up a whole ten minutes earlier (a major accomplishment for me) just for a cup of coffee.

It's all pretty out of hand....but totally worth it. :)

Happy Friday everyone! I hope that you are enjoying whatever your guilty pleasure is today as well!

skatING in circles by yourself

I will never forget my tenth birthday. I had a skating party. All of my friends came, there was cake, music, presents, everything a ten year old Ali could have wanted. There was just one thing about it though--I was the only one who skated (at least to the best of my memory). By myself, I circled and circled the rink. I requested songs, I had a blast. Knowing my competitive self, I probably timed myself to see if it could get better. Now, I did take the time to spend with my guests thanking them for coming, eating cake, laughing, hanging out etc., but I alone skated, probably wearing some nerdy shirt that had something about NASA or the planets or something like that on it. I had my weird short haircut that made my head look like a mushroom, but I didn't care, I just skated.

When I look back at that memory I have two initial reactions. The first is that I sort of  want to recognize that memory as sad. How did I not realize how "uncool" I was? Were all my friends just pitying me by being there? Oh my gosh, I was such an nerd and didn't even know it. The worst kind! I almost get embarrassed over my ten year old self. No wonder I was  never a "cool kid." It can kind of be a painful moment to look back on.

Then I think about it for a second longer, and I laugh and I'm honestly proud. The thing is, when I look back at that memory, I wasn't embarrassed at all. It didn't occur to me on February 20,  1995 that nobody else skated. It didn't occur to me that I was skating in circles by myself. I just had a blast. The DJ played the music and I just went for it. I skated forward and backward, and did the scissors, and tried to go faster and faster each time around.  I would say I was brave, but to be honest, I don't remember it being something I was afraid to do, I just did it because it was fun and I wanted to.

Now, why am I telling you about my tenth birthday??? Lately, there have been these moments where I've felt like I'm skating in circles by myself. I've had moments where I didn't even know I was alone in what I was doing, and I looked back and realized no one was joining me. This feeling has come up with my job, with some friendships, just everywhere lately. I felt like maybe I was still that 10 year old skating in a circle by myself not going anywhere, looking uncool.

Then I rethought it again. I realized that sometimes in order to really live, you just have to skate in a circle by yourself, because it is fun. The truth is, everyone else usually wishes they could go out there and skate. After all, how is not fun to listen to "Ghostbusters" and feel the air flutter through your mushroom haircut,  as you zoom around on a bright orange floor while the lights from the disco ball swirl around you??? I mean, come on.  Everybody is just too afraid and fear makes us miss out. We sit and we think of a million reasons why we shouldn't be out there. We think about our ability or lack thereof, we think about how dumb we might look or how uncool it is (adults worry about coolness just as much if not more than Jr. higher's I've noticed).

Life sometimes, is trying to rip the hope right from us--through criticism, through painful experiences, through disappointment, but I've realized that that's the fight. The battle is to hold on to hope, simply because its worth it. Sometimes in order to do that it takes skating in a circle by yourself. It even takes grit. Not the kind that makes you calloused, but the kind that can still love even when things feel unlovely. The kind that believes in other people (or even yourself) even when it seems like there is no reason to. It takes laughing and smiling and rejoicing even when no one else seems to care to join you. The hope is that maybe they will join you, maybe they will feel less alone, less afraid, if they just get out there.

Maybe this still seems sad, but I don't think it is. It's freedom. I hope that I can always look back at 10 year old me and have the courage to rejoice and to hope, and to just be me really; I hope that you can be you too.

" Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." --Unknown

"No child on earth was ever meant to be ordinary, and you can see it in them, and they know it, too, but then the times get to them and they wear out their brains learning what folks expect." --Annie Dillard

restING, resolvING, and laughING with my mouth full

So, I could go into a big explanation as to why I haven't posted in so long, but I won't. Life has just been busy, now I'm on break and my laptop was the last thing I felt like looking at for awhile.

Anyway, I'm still on break, and its lovely. This has become one of my favorite times of the year. As much as I love all the hustle and bustle and glory and excitement of Christmas, I love this quiet, lovely, restful time afterwards. There's something about it. The slow putting away of an old year, and the bringing in of  new one.

For break I have simply been resting. Resting. In all its many forms. I would like to say I'm one of those people who do only  wholesome things with my break like, meditating, prayer, or even just reading (I've done a little of all of those things). But, I can also safely say I have watched every episode of 30 Rock (while eating McDonald's most of the time) and rewatched the episodes I found to be particularly hilarious. Laughing out loud...by myself, in my sweats, probably with my mouth full. It.was.glorious.

 I have been cleaning, here and there, little by little--putting away some Christmas decorations, reorganizing a cupboard here, and a drawer there. I think every stitch of clothing in our house besides what Dave and I are currently wearing, is clean.

I've been knitting. Working on that lovely kid mohair wrap. Its a creamy natural white, on wooden needles (I usually use metal) and something about that combination of the cream colored fuzzy yarn, and the grainy wooden needle is lovely to look at as I knit.

I've been sleeping. A lot. Whenever I want for however long I want, and staying up as late as I want.

It has all been wonderful. So very wonderful to just rest. Rest.

It has been this time of the year, that has slowly, year after year, developed into my own little sabbath. Kent recently shortened Christmas break in attempts to get us out earlier in the spring. While I know that once spring rolls around and I am done by the end of April, I will be elated, I sort of miss the extra time in the middle of winter.

I love this time to recharge, refresh, create, vegetate (hence the 30 Rock marathon), renew, and even prepare for the busyness ahead.

I love this time to reflect. I always say I'm not resolution person, but I think I secretly am.

I've been thinking about what I want from the next year. I know I want simplicity, I want rest (which I am still trying to figure out how that fits into the wild amount of work that comes a long with this final semester of classes and then student teaching in the fall...ugh...who wants to think about that right now!).

I want to be a resting place for others too.

I know one small goal I plan on moving towards in order to be that resting place, is listen more and talk less. Simple, maybe difficult. ??? Most people just want to be heard. I have ears. So I guess I'll try and  listen. Words are precious too, and that's just it. We use them like they aren't sometimes. I want my words to be valuable, to always leave people better if possible.

So, listen more, talk less.

So, that's it, break so far. Rest. Resolutions. Junk food. I have one more glorious week left.

Happy New Year everyone! I've really missed this online community and plan on being around more often if I can.

Image Credit: Somewhere on pinterest.com...

makING my excuse

The Vacation


Once there was a man who filmed his vacation.

He went flying down the river in his boat

with his video camera to his eye, making

a moving picture of the moving river

upon which his sleek boat moved swiftly

toward the end of his vacation. He showed

his vacation to his camera, which pictured it,

preserving it forever: the river, the trees,

the sky, the light, the bow of his rushing boat

behind which he stood with his camera

preserving his vacation even as he was having it

so that after he had had it he would still

have it. It would be there. With a flick

of a switch there it would be. But he

would not be in it. He would never be in it.


--Wendell Berry



He said it better than I. I would like to think this is why I only post pictures from Google Image. Although, maybe it's because I always forget my camera....

Oh! And before I forget , feel free to vote in this month's poll (to your right).

anticipatING

Well, I'm back.. We have finally adjusted to life with a puppy...I think. :)

I'm so enjoying my summer, but there are so many things I'm excited about. Here are a few, in no particular order:

1. The school year.

I know, I know, I couldn't wait for it to be over, but this coming fall seems exciting to me. I will be in advanced study which mean I am in a "cohort" with all the other future middle school teachers. I think calling it a cohort makes it sound like we are up to trouble (which we probably will be) but what it really means is that we have all of our classes together, and have only about 5 professors that will be teaching those classes. It has a very "Hogwart's" feel to it (I know, that's a very very geeky reference to Harry Potter, but still). I'm anticipating getting to know fellow teachers, getting to know our professors, and spending a lot observation hours in actual school classrooms. Hooray!

We also get out own lounge/study rooms which has a fridge, a microwave, tables to study, "teachery" supplies like paper cutters, hole punches etc.,  and shelves containing copies of all of our textbooks, just in case we forgot. Maybe it's dorky, but I'm excited. Super excited.

2. Dave and I have our 2 year anniversary!

It's not until July, but I still I can't believe it. It's flown by and at the same time I can hardly remember what life was like before being married to Dave. I know that sounds super cheesy, but it's true. Everyone talked about how hard the first year would be for us. When it wasn't, they told us how bad the second year would be. I can honestly say we've spent the last two years enjoying each other. We laugh together everyday.  We almost feel ready to duck because it hasn't seemed "hard" or "bad"...whatever that means.

I'm happy to celebrate the time we've spent together and happy to look forward to the time we will spend together.

We aren't sure what we are going to do yet. It could be anything to a weekend away, to an Indian's game (I'm thinking the all-you-can-eat seats....as romantic as that sounds, I love baseball food). Sometimes the planning and anticipating is just as fun as actually getting to do whatever it is we end up doing.


3. Summer

I know, we are already in it! I guess not technically, but the temperature and the time off says otherwise. I love that I have most of the summer still ahead of me. I love that summer comes with, hot days, stormy days, goodness and green trees,  gardens, hikes, swimming, slushies, putt putt (Dave won our first game of the season) and many more wonderful wonderful things.

Anyway, sorry this post probably isn't interesting to most of you, but it's just a few of the things I'm so excited about. I love having things to look forward to. What are YOU looking forward to right now???



Image Credit: All images from Google Images.

sayING "hello" to the new addition!

So...I know I haven't posted in awhile, but I've been kind of busy....



playing outside...

 

 

keeping the peace....

playing tug o' war...

fending off  "vicious" predators....

and catching some Z's...when she'll let me...

Everyone, meet Luna!

I actually have a few other things I would love to make a post about...soon, I promise. :)

gettING through...

...finals week.

arrivING soon (in june to be exact!)

 Isn't she adorable?  We went out today to pick out which puppy from the litter we wanted. This is the yellow lab we picked out. June just can't come fast enough! :) (Sorry for the bad picture quality. All we had with us were our phones).

livING

                                        In the spring of the year,

there is so much life.

There is rain and grass and sun,

and they all need each other.

There are lambs.

New and white and warm,

their legs shaky, as they learn to walk in the world,

and their pink tongues, thirsty for milk.

We go outside, and dance in the streets, with our faces tilted to the sky,

and we plow the soft, cool,  earth,

and dream of what is to come of it.

We still, but barely, remember that there was winter, and cold.

Days and days where there was not sun,

Only piles and piles of snow.

And wind, that aged our faces and made our skin rough.

We have almost forgotten the months we've weathered,

and how,

 in those months, we almost forgot there was anything else.

But spring still came to us,

new and muddy,

and we still rejoice and we laugh our laughs,

and smile our smiles, when it does.

When it finally does.

The earth breaks open,

and we carefully sow the seeds, and we wait.

For in the spring of the year,

there is so much life.

Image Credit: http://www.fiberfarm.com/2011/04/pipers-first-day-out

procrastinatING...

...because I am, and you probably are, and it's the last month of school, and we could all use a laugh:

The 12 9 "Ings" of Christmas

December was busy. I suppose anyone who follows this blog (all nine of you...thanks by the way, I appreciate all 9 of you..really, not sarcastically!:)) is wondering where the one who claims to love Christmas so much went during my favorite time of year. Well, here it is--my 12, or rather 9 (because I couldn't think of 12) "ings" of Christmas.

1. Travel-ing: Dave and I packed our bags and headed out to
sunny
warm California. We actually had a very eventful travelling experience going there (and back actually) which included a one night stay in a hotel (if you want to call it a night...it was more like a few hours in Pittsburgh in attempts to get
some sleep, which I think we got less), sleep walking, very mean security guards (one actually made me cry, she was the meanest lady on the planet... combine that with my 45 minutes of sleep, BOOM, tears). On the way back we had delays, a security breech, running through Chicago to catch our flight (yeah, like on Home Alone), and I hate to admit that I was cranky enough to tell the lady who tried to push everyone on the plane in Chicago claiming "I have a tight connection"--"We all do, sit down."...sigh...such is travelling I suppose. At the very least though, I'm thankful for a way to get us from here to there much quicker. :)

2.Rain-ing: We anticipated a lovely sunny trip full of outdoor activities and a maybe even a couple beach days, what we got was more rain than I've ever seen in Southern California. Even having lived there for several years, I've never. seen anything. like it.
It worked out though. It gave us a great excuse to just hang out with friends and family--which is what we were there for. All in all I think we had 6 days of rain and 5 of sun. So we did get some beach time in after all. :)






3.Go-ing...for it!: At my step family's Christmas, one of the cousins had the new Wii game "Just Dance 2"...



I won. :) (Not according to Lauren, but if she recalls the Avril song "Girlfriend", I was the victor.)


4.Laugh-ing: Mostly we laughed at the Californians. For my California readers, sorry, but read on, you have to admit it's true. :)

We laughed at how they drive in the rain. They either go 40 mph and hold up traffic for miles, or 80 mph and end up flipped over. I know its not really funny, but I forgot how big of a deal rain is, especially buckets and buckets of it, to Southern Californians.

We also laughed at the
self centered
individualistic (I'm being nice) SoCal attitude. It permeates the culture. :) Example (one of many): We were walking through a mall with my four year old niece, she dropped the gloves she was carrying so we all stopped while she picked them up. The lady behind us was so put out about it that she shoved her elbow between Dave and I and leveraged her way through saying "ExcUUUUse me!" (They never mean it when it goes up in the middle like that). Wow...but funny.

We laughed at the role of dogs in California. We saw dogs with sweaters, dogs in purses, dogs with purses. We saw organic pet food stores, restaurants with dog seating and dog menus. We saw a dog clothing store called "Preppy Pets".

Dog...the new human. :)

5.Cuddle-ing: With this cute face:



My sister's daughter and my very cute and sweet niece. She's 4 1/2 so Christmas with her was more fun than ever. It was all the heart-pumping, Santa-believing, Toy Story 3, present ripping open a kid (or adult) could ever want.

6.Receive-ing: This was one of my favorite gift years of Christmas ever. I got gifts that meant something to me (Mom, I know we haven't had Christmas yet, you'll be included because I may do an entire "gift post" because I loved this Christmas so much).
Here is one of my favorites:



My dad gave this to me. He used to read it to my sister and I over and over when we were kids. I love it. I've read it over and over since I've been home.

Other gifts worth mentioning that I just loved: a knit kit (lovely, soft, luscious alpaca yarn, scissors with a gold handle that I think elves used at some point, and a holder for small knitting necessities), lots of tea, a dough hook for my Kitchen Aid...so many things. I may do a separate gift post because I love gifts and what they mean, and the people that gave them.

7. Paint-ing: My sister was painting mini gourds as ornaments this year and I joined her in painting. Here is my favorite:



Yes, it's my cat. Yes, I know that's somehow sad and places me in the same category as Angela from The Office, but still, that's what I painted. :)


8. Hang-ing...with friends and family: I know this is a given at Christmas, but I just felt so blessed by it this year. We got to spend Christmas with family I don't see much but miss all the time. We got to see friends we hadn't seen in so long. We got to come home and spend time with family here. It's like Christmas is being stretched out into days and days of family and food and gifts and trees...it makes me think that Judaism is onto something having 8 days of Hanukkah. ;)




9. Refresh-ing: We got to hang out with some good friends who have recently moved out to California. It couldn't have been more refreshing for us. They are the type of people who remind you to keep being who you are and to walk with God and that together with God we can do anything. Everyone needs friends like that. Everyone. Thanks guys. We love you and your family.

I think being away, and coming home was refreshing to. We loved our trip but we were so happy when we got back to our own house, our own bed, our own traffic (or lack thereof), our own routine...being away always makes me thankful for home sweet home. :)



All in all everything about Christmas has been great and its not over for us. We have one more Christmas left this weekend and I'm glad to have one more week with my tree. :)

missING (its happy but humorous conclusion)

I am happy to say that my day did in fact get better. However, I have to add that upon arriving home last night I did manage to successfully lock both Dave and I out of the house without our keys (hence the "locked out" part) or our phones. This resulted in walking to his parents house to get a key. Oh, and thank you Katie for giving us ride for the latter half of our walk. (sorry if we scared you too badly by pounding on your door...I think I really felt bad about that part.)

I am also happy to say I found the missing sweater. It was in my closet, but only halfway on the hanger so unless I individualy slid every hanger over to look for it (which I did last night) I wouldn't have realized it was there (like yesterday morning).

I am sad to say that my ticket was actually 134 dollars as opposed to what I orginally thought (114). Since I was doing 83 in a 65 (18 mph over the speed limit) this means that I am "bumped up" to the next bracket of speeders. Oh well.

Thank you all for your concern. :)



Image Credit: www.thekansascitylawyer.com

missING

What was missing? My sweater. When was it missing? This morning, thereby setting into motion the following series of events:

I searched frantically for my sweater watching the time growing ever closer to the time I needed to leave for class (at Stark) and then pass it. I gave up, and left very frustrated as this was my favorite sweater and from Anthropologie even. I drove about two blocks (sweater-less...which means wearing my blue shirt that is a "back-up", I never really feel "ready to go" in it) realized I was missing a folder I needed for class and turned back around. I searched for about 5-10 minutes in the house for it and gave up (again). As it turns out, it was already in my bag I was taking to school. At this point, I realize I am going to be over 20 minutes late for a 50 minute class. I check the attendance policy on the syllabus: I only get one absence so I decide to go for it and try to make it to class (after all I still have flu season to survive...I may need my one measly absence later int he semester).

I am making my way down 77, yes, rather quickly. I am mad about my sweater, mad about my folder incident, mad about attendance policies, and mad that I'm mad about any of this. It was at that moment I looked in my rear view mirror...and yes...you know exactly what's next--flashing lights. It was at this point I finally burst into tears and feeling quite ridiculous about that (who cries over getting pulled over??? apparently me).

The cop approaches, tells me I was going 83 (yes, perhaps I was out of control). I am hysterical and feeling absolutely ridiculous that I'm hysterical and wondering why I'm hysterical when the cop (who was very nice by the way) says "It's ok, I'm not going to hurt you." Seriously? Am I that out of control and hysterical? This really only creates more tears and hysteria for me. Finally, I get my ticket and I'm on my way and I'm now going to be 40 minutes late for a 50 minute class and I don't even know if this now constitutes being "present" for class (so much for flu season...if I'm puking, I'll bring a bucket).

So today I arrived at class 40 minutes late, sweater-less, soon to be 114 dollars poorer, and yes still hysterical and unable to calm down.

The good news is, the prof for my class is a genuinely understanding woman, and didn't think I was crazy for being hysterical(although I still do). Also immediately following that class is a four hour break between my classes whereupon I retreated to Starbucks and then Borders where I used my phone to make out a pictorial Christmas list of the books I would like this year. I also had a conversation with my sister and have now blogged. I think (I say this ready to duck) I have fully recovered from my hysteria and can now move successfully into my afternoon. Also if you look to your right, you will see that there are only 85 days until Christmas. This is a good thing and that alone should make anyone feel better.

Thank you all for listening. If you happen to see a brown Anthropologie sweater, size small...please let me know. It is still missing and I feel it should know that its misplacement has caused quite the ruckus.